Perpetual Calendar
Archives
The Baby Page
Our Weblog
About Me
Home

Blake has this friend about whom it is said: "He was born with a horseshoe up his ass". This sounds unpleasant, but what they mean is that this guy is extraordinarily lucky. Remarkably good things happen to him. He has a patron. Who the hell do you know who has a patron?

I'm beginning to think I also have a horseshoe up my ass. How else can you explain how good my life is, while others around me have troubles and worries aplenty? I'm healthy, in a relationship which brings me happiness every day, and financially able to stay at home and take care of my baby without much scrimping.

It's that last one I think about most; the other two I take for granted, lucky me. And I've been trying to figure out how it happens that Blake and I are doing so well in this sorry economy; is it really luck?

Having two tech incomes is a good start. How did that happen? Well, Blake loves programming, and he's very good at it; that's partially luck, be he also works hard to stay good at it. Of course, lots of people in the software business are unemployed, or are earning a lot less now than they did a couple of years ago. That Blake is still employed is partially luck and partially because he's a good and valuable employee.

I'm still employed because I've been in this job for four years, since before the peak of the tech boom, and I'm the only person in an indispensible role in a small company. That's luck. I'm as gainfully employed as I am because I got hired around the peak of the boom, when salaries were good (luck), and because a particularly zealous boss gave me a particularly good raise a couple of years ago (also luck). I'm also pretty good at what I do, because I'm conscientious and smart.

But how did I come to be qualified for the position?

I have a degree in mathematics from a good university; I happen to be good at math (luck) which is part of the reason I got the degree. The other reasons are that I chose to get a mathematics degree rather than an English degree back in First Year (pragmatics and pride, not luck), and that I persisted through the four years it took to get the degree even though I didn't really enjoy it (pig-headedness, work ethic, not luck). The other factors that make me qualified for my position are such things as good communications skills, intelligence and general likeableness, which I can only take partial credit for.

So we make a heap of money, and it looks like that's mostly luck with a little bit of smarts and hard work thrown in. But there's more to our prosperity than that; we're debt-free and we live within our means.

I was able to clear out my student loans within a year and a half of graduating, because I was in a co-op program (alternating terms of work and school) and so didn't amass much debt. I chose the co-op program for that reason -- it wasn't luck. Blake didn't have any student loans because he was also able to work throughout university in a co-op-like capacity. Again, pragmatism, not luck.

We haven't amassed any debt because we live within our means. Granted, it's not hard to live within our means, but lots of people who make what we do don't manage it. We don't have a car. We don't drink or smoke, and we don't eat out often. We don't travel much and when we do we're cheap about it. We don't wear expensive clothes, and we don't live in a big house. None of these things are luck.

I know this all seems like self-congratulatory back-slapping, so I'll explain why I'm going on about it; I'm scared. I look at my life and see that it's so perfect -- that I have Blake and Delphine and a gorgeous home and health and wealth -- and I wonder when the bubble is going to burst, when I'm going to lose it. Because I don't think I deserve this life, and I'm sure that the moment I really settle in and start to enjoy it, something will change, something will be taken away. So I examine it to see how much of my good life is just luck and how much is the legitimate result of good decisions. How much of this goodness am I entitled to, and how much could blow away if the wind changed? So I try and come up with a luck:good decisions ratio.

It's futile, of course. Stuff could go wrong at any minute -- Blake's company could tank, he could get hit by a bus or have a freak heart attack and die. I could get cancer. None of these things can be prevented by a strong luck:good decisions ratio. What I really need to do is learn that, even if bad things happen, I'll be okay. If we did end up poor, we would still have love and laughter and fun. If (worst-case scenario) Blake did die, it would be the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and it would probably lay me low for a year or two, but I'd carry on and probably find a way to be happy again. Other people have done it, I've seen them.

And the other thing I need to do is enjoy what I have, while I have it.

It got warm, finally, thank god. It's going to stay above freezing at least until Wednesday, so maybe we'll get rid of all this snow. It also means I can dress lighter -- no more long johns or winter jackets, hooray!

Cotton Ginny had a going-out-of-business sale (they went bankrupt, reducing the number of stores I can shop at to one (1)) and I got two skirts which don't fit me now but should after Delphine comes, one which does fit me now, and a jean jacket. The total for the four items was around $70.

I'm looking forward to wearing the one skirt which does fit me now, but first I have to dehair my legs. I haven't shaved since fall, and my leg hair is powerful long. I think I'm going to get some of those "wax strips" which are basically strips of packing tape. I used to use those, and I'm not sure why I stopped; I expect I'll figure it out soon after I try and use them, but for now it seems like a fun way to get rid of this crazy-long leg hair. I might try them in my armpits, too, if I can muster the fortitude to let the hair there grow long enough -- I hate having pit hair.