New House Ohmygod

We bought a new house. It is small, and kind of dark, and it hasn't been upgraded for twenty years; it's like a time capsule. However, for that reason it was reasonably inexpensive, and it has been very well-maintained. And it could not possibly be in a better neighbourhood; all in all I think we have done well (touch wood).

Our tiny new front hall. Notice the profound lack of front hall closet, hooks, or natural light.

More hall. These old houses are ALL HALL. We will be knocking out some of these walls at some point.

Me and Cordelia surveying our miles and miles of landing strip/back yard. The lot is seventeen-and-a-half feet wide and a hundred and eighty feet long. And it's all tomatoes, people.

After a brisk twenty minute walk, me and Cordelia halfway down our back yard.

The back yard from the far end, by the garage. Notice how ugly the house is from behind. What!? You don't look so hot from behind either, I bet. Also what the hell is that weird looking tree in the middle. (It's actually some kind of psycho overgrown bean pole.)

Two words: Ug. Ly. But imagine it with a big back deck and flagstone patio. And maybe some Pepto-pink siding like next door.

The stairs. Look how gorgeous and shiny they are; the whole house is like this, absolutely impeccable. These people really loved their home.

The upstairs landing/hall. It's so barren; either they have already moved out all their decorations, or (my theory) they are just really austere people. But again, absolutely impeccable; not a crack or any flaking paint anywhere. And look at the sunlight in the bedroom!

The one and only bathroom. Check out the tiny sink down at thigh level with separate faucets. Let's do the time warp again! And that bathtub? Has no shower. Yeah.

Oh my god, I love this stove. I don't know if I will keep it but it's so fantastically retro. It has a warming oven! And some crazy spinny dial thingies on the top! I am trying to figure out some way to keep it even if it turns out to be useless as a stove. Maybe I will put it on the front porch...

Retro (there's that word again) cabinet in the kitchen. I am going to keep this if at all possible.

Detail of the cabinet handle. I love these. If you don't understand that, I don't think I can possibly explain it to you. Wait, look at the hinges:

Seriously? I could die.

I like the Formica with aluminum (? stainless steel? I don't know) trim. When we do more cabinets I will get this same treatment for the countertops. I might even try and get the same Formica if they still make it.

Another keeper. I might get a more period-appropriate faucet, even.

Basement-y basement. They don't even have a dryer; they hang their clothes on a line outside or in the basement. We are going to move our existing washer and dryer because, as you might know, I have an almost unwholesome love for them.

Blake is making fun of me because I am posting pictures of all our sinks. Maybe I have a sink thing, is that so wrong? Shut up!

Look! A front porch! We have a front porch!

Cool old-school electric fireplace with an ass-ugly surround and mantlepiece. I want to paint out the brick but Blake doesn't want to. (Blake says he is wavering.) We agree the mantlepiece with the creepy horn-like projections has to go.

I don't know what period this light fixture is from. Early Edwardian Hideous, maybe? Gothic Brutalist Eugh? I especially love the fake dripping wax. I think we will need to find some Deco/Moderne-style fixtures to replace these. And don't even get me started (again) on the mantlepiece. Why, God? Why?

The fireplace reminds me of the elevators in the Chrysler Building (see below). I think it will be even better once we have painted out the brick so it stands out properly.

See? (This is the Chrysler Building; no part of our place looks like this. But you can see how they are the same kind of design, right?)

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